I finally got out to see this the other day. We were stuck at the bottom, left-hand corner looking up at the gi-freaking-normous screen watching gi-freaking-normous over-glorified battle bots slug it out. Yeah. So here follows the (decidedly tongue-in-cheek) review of the latest and greatest summer blockbuster.
I must say, I’m very taken with one British critic’s review: "It’s like be smashed over the head repeatedly with a very loud, expensive train set." Preeeeetty much sums it up. I wish I could be more favourable, I do. It’s just… [sigh] It seems like the entire plot serves the sole purpose of setting up the action sequences. And those moments that could have been funny and witty were delivered at a lightning-fast pace and given no weight at all. Oh, Shia. This is not a very good representation of what you can do. [nods pointedly to A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints] And Fox is there to look nice and take up space, as usual. The new additions to the cast were rather annoying, especially Rodriguez’s character
Nasty bits aside, the action is truly eye-popping and well-choreographed, if predictable and pointless. Sorry. Nastiness creeping in there again. That’s the problem – the nastiness seems to permeate through the film, leaving one to wonder what its soure might be… then, of course, the answer becomes clear. Bay. Michael Bay. No *wonder* the pacing is so lousy and the weight so unevenly distributed. It was directed and edited that way. So in short, if there is to be another Transformers movie in the future, the Paramount bigwigs better keep the Bay-nastiness well away from it if they want a positive review from *me*. [humph!] Not like they care – with such big box-office bucks, they’re bound to give everybody a nice bonus and sign them on for another Bay-driven schlumph-fest. [shakes head]